Operation: Stay Positive

This post has come about thanks to my friend Christy.  She posted the other day about some changes going on in her life and it got me thinking about how my life is changing and how it is inevitable - there will always be change, good or bad, happening and you have to adjust to it.

I am currently going through a pretty big change and honest realization of what I want out of life.  A week ago I officially ended a 2.5 year relationship with a guy that I thought I was head over heels in love with.  Well my love for him blinded me in so many ways and I finally let myself think about my life and realize that I wasn't happy in this relationship and how it has been toxic for a long time - I just didn't want to see it.  There are things about this relationship that I hadn't shared with anyone because I was too embarrassed and honestly didn't want to hear the judgment.  I have been hearing from multiple people in my life that I deserve better then him, but I didn't want to listen to them.  It's like I told my sister a couple of weeks ago - I was settling because I felt like it was time for me to settle.  Almost all of my friends are either engaged, married, or having kids and it scary to think about being single when all of that is happening around you.  My sister who is 3 years younger than me, is also going through those same feeling as her friends are also getting engaged and married and she is one of the few single ones.

Anyways - this guy has made me believe that I don't need to be romanced, that every weekend is to be spent in front of the tv watching football, that my interests aren't as important as his.  Well I had 14 hours in a car alone before Thanksgiving and I finally let myself think about all of these things and I came to the realization that I wasn't happy and haven't been in a long time.

I am now back in therapy because my family was/is worried about me and to be honest, I am worried about myself.  I have come to the difficult realization that I am not happy and I need some time to focus on me.  I want to reconnect with some friends that I have let fall by the wayside.  I want to start working out again - I want to run another half marathon.  I started painting again for the first time in almost 3 years last Tuesday and it is amazing how happy holding a brush with paint made me feel.

It is hard being alone during the holiday's but at the same time I have realized that I won't be alone for the holiday's - I will have my parents, my grandmother, my extended family and friends around.  I am currently trying to plan a trip to New York for New Year's to visit my sister and just start the new year off the right way.

I am getting movers to get the rest of my stuff out of this guys place by the end of the week because the sooner I am done with him, the sooner I am able to move on with my life 100%.  I am currently working on my New Year's resolutions (I know it is a little early), but I am turning over a new page in my life book and I want to make sure I take control of my life in the coming year and do things that I want to do and not let a guy dictate all of that.