Operation: Stay Positive

So having been single now for over two months I am slowly learning to pick up on the differences between men and boys.  The guys that I have "dated" during this period of singleness have proved themselves to be boys in the long-run.  They started off as men but as I have learned are still boys and I am not sure if they will ever grow up to be men.

There are two particular boys that I dated and I have learned a lot about myself and what I want after having dated them.  Let me begin by telling you a little bit about the two different guys:

Boy #1: I met this guy while visiting some good friends up in Nashville back in December.  I was up here for a Tacky Christmas Sweater party and decided that since I was single, I was going to wear a mistletoe headband.  We all went out to the bars after the party and I must say that I enjoyed getting to kiss random people and just having a good time!  One of the guys that I kissed that night was Boy #1.  I will be honest that I didn't notice him until I walked past him at the bar and he grabbed me and asked for a kiss.  I thought he was super cute so I agreed.  Well we got to talking and we exchanged phone numbers.  I rejoined my group and as the night progressed, this boy kept texting me.  He finally came and met me at one of the final bars we attended and we spent the next few hours talking and getting to know one another.  I found out that he was 37, divorced, has an 8 year old daughter, is a firefighter, lives in Kentucky, and just a good old southerner.  I had a blast getting to know him and actually did not care about his age or the fact that he was divorced with a kid, I was just having a good time.  He then proceeded to ask me to extend my trip in Nashville an extra night and join him at the Garth Brooks concert.  How could I turn down a free ticket to see what might have been one of Garth Brooks' final concerts??  The next night I met up with him and his friends and had an amazing night at the concert.  That is basically how we left things and for the next month and a half we spent talking and texting on the phone.  We made plans for me to come visit him in January but those fell through when his ex-wife had to change weekends with him to take care of his daughter so we postponed until February.  Well last weekend I was supposed to drive the 7 hours to go visit him.  I had made sure to work extra hours so that I could leave early on Friday and stay until Monday morning so that I could watch the Superbowl with him on Sunday night.  Well on Thursday he sends me a text message that he has to cancel because his realtor was going to show his house (that is for sale) a few times that weekend and he would have to be out of the house.  I suggest that I can still come visit, and he can show me around Louisville.  Well I waited until Friday when I got off work and never heard from him.  I don't understand why this so called man didn't just tell me that he didn't want me to visit or even try to rearrange things so that I could still come visit.  Needless to say that I haven't heard a word from him since Friday and basically I have learned that even at the age of 37 he is still a boy that doesn't know how to handle things.

Boy #2: I have known this guy for a few years now, but have never hung out with him on a one on one basis.  He is a volleyball coach like myself so he understands the passion that I have for the sport and gives us something in common to talk about.  The first night that we hung out, he invited me over to his place to just hang out and watch a movie.  I love having chill nights and not having to dress up to go out on a date.  We were both in sweats and it was a perfect night.  We watched The Hangover, laughed, and then we talked for a few hours after that getting to know one another on a more personal level.  We had the favorites conversation: food, color, holiday, etc. and it was nice getting to know him like that since all I had really known about him before was as a volleyball coach.  He is 27, getting his MBA, and coaches volleyball.  The second time we hung out he invited me over to his place again, but for dinner and a movie.  He ended up cooking my favorite food (salmon) and let me choose the move to watch.  I felt like I was in heaven, especially after the relationship I had just been in - never really got to eat my favorite food and rarely got to chose the movie that we would watch.  We just had another really nice, relaxing night and I just felt very comfortable.  This was basically the extent to this dating, either he would come to my place, or I would go to his place and we would eat and watch tv/movies.  We would text throughout the week to make plans and just hang out.  He can be a really big smartass sometimes but for those of you that know me, so can I, so we would dish it out all the time.  Well about two weeks ago I texted him wishing him a happy birthday and asked him what he had planned - he had been at a volleyball tournament all weekend and his birthday was on a Sunday, so I figured he was just going to hang out at home.  He told me that he had made plans with his roommate to go get drinks but then last minute his roommate bailed on him.  I felt kinda bad, so I offered to take him out for a drink.  We had a great night drinking and laughing.  After that night I hadn't heard from him.  A man that is still a boy.

I guess I just don't understand how as a woman you can have these great conversations and get to know a guy on a deeper level and then they decide to just fall off the face of the Earth.  A friend of my suggested that I read the book "Why Men Love Bitches" to try and get some perspective.  After just reading the intro to the book it clicked in my head that I was the woman they were talking about not being.  I have always been what you may call a "fixer."  If something is going wrong, I always offer up a way to try to make the situation work or in other words fix it.  With Boy #1, he had to cancel on me due to showings and I offered up a suggestion that I could still come visit and we just go do some things around town while the house is being shown and that I would help to clean up in the morning before the next set of showings.  After I suggested this, I didn't hear from him.  With Boy #2, his roommate canceled on the birthday plans, so I offered to take him out, and then I don't hear from him afterwards.  In the book, they suggest that some women are too giving in their ways and basically that drives the man away.  I don't believe that I am 100% at fault, but I can see that because I always try to fix things, it doesn't always give the man the feeling that I need him.  I am taking these experiences and I am going to learn from them.  I have not finished reading the book either but that is definitely something that is on my list of things to do for myself.

In conclusion, and I know its been a lengthy post, I have decided that I am going to take some time to focus on myself and really figure out what it is that I want out of a relationship before I go looking for one.  I made a New Year's resolution to focus on myself and make myself happy before making anyone else happy and I forgot about that for a little while, but now I am back on track for that.